When I was approached to write an article about how to be an ally as part of a series of articles by No5 Chambers to celebrate Pride month I was honoured to be asked. Being asked in and of itself was recognition that I am thought of as one, but also, and more importantly, that people can trust me to be true to that role. However, after saying yes, I will be honest I was a little concerned. Who am I to tell other people what makes a good ally? What if I, in trying to help, say something that inadvertently hurts members of the LGBTQ+ community? What if I get it wrong?
But being an authentic ally means more than just paying lip service to the cause. You need to be prepared to stick your neck out. You need to be prepared to sometimes get it wrong; and then to acknowledge when you have made a mistake and do something about it. There is no perfect way to be an ally, and members of the LGBTQ+ community will themselves have differing ideas as to what they would like allyship to be, as well as what they very much do not want to see. What is important is to try; and so, this article is not meant to try to advocate for one set way to get allyship right. Nor is it an attempt to speak for a community, to take their voice away or to make it all about me. Rather, its purpose is to hopefully encourage others like me to think more carefully about what they can do to be authentic in their allyship and, hopefully, offer genuine support for people who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community.
The starting point, in my view, is always proactive education. Proactive, because it is not for other people to educate you. Take real, genuine steps to learn about LGBTQ+ issues. The internet can be a wonderful thing. If you do not know the answer to something, look it up. There are plenty of valuable resources out there. Read books and articles. Watch webinars and videos online. Enrol on training courses. Engage with members of the community online on social media and at networking events and local groups. It is important when engaging with others that you do not ask intrusive questions about people’s personal lives; sense check what you want to ask before you ask it. But I also believe that to truly understand other people – and not just in this context, but any context – discussion and a willingness to consider and understand other people’s perspectives is key. Do have discussions; but do it sensitively and with a truly open mind.
A part of that education, familiarise yourself with policies and processes in your organisation. How does your workplace recognise, protect and advocate for the interests of members of the LGBTQ+ community? Do they do enough? How can you get involved? You do not need to be part of a community to care about them and protecting their rights. A fair society is something that positively impacts us all. All colleagues should feel valued and properly supported. As a colleague, you are a part of that.
It is important to acknowledge your own privilege. It is surprising to me that often people do not want to do that. They seem to feel that by acknowledging their privilege in one aspect of their lives, they are devaluing their disadvantages in other areas. That is simply not true. It is also an important step in being able to fully educate yourself and understand the negative impacts members of the LGBTQ+ community may be subjected to. If you do not fully understand the advantages you are privy to, how can you properly appreciate the disadvantages of others and what it means for them?
Having done the above, a key next step is to learn to recognise and appropriately advocate for others. Recognition is extremely important. You can have the absolute best intentions in the world but if you are unable to recognise that something could be hurtful or discriminatory towards another person, you won’t be acting to change it. Allied to that is appropriate advocacy. Recognition is a dog without teeth if no action is ever taken to facilitate change. But action must be appropriate. Being a good ally can literally mean speaking up for other people in the face of adversity; but similarly, it isn’t always helpful to take up space and take away the voice of those who are a part of the community. Whilst it can be a difficult judgement call to make, try to be conscious of when it is appropriate to speak for, support, or encourage someone who is receiving negativity. If in doubt, ask. As part of your ongoing education, listen to and learn from LGBTQ+ people and platforms as to when it may or may not be appropriate to act and what action to take. Ultimately, though, if you think something is wrong and something needs to be done it is better to be proactive and to learn from your mistakes if you get it wrong, than to sit back and do nothing at all.
And so, we come back to the beginning of this article. True allyship is not easy. You will get it wrong. We all have unconscious bias from being socialised in the society we find ourselves in. We are all influenced by what we have been exposed to. None of us are perfect. But doing something positive, accepting that you will always be learning, and being willing and open to change is something to be very proud of indeed.
